Life As His Child

I wonder sometimes how other people can doubt God’s intense, devoted, tender, passionate, constant love and complete acceptance of them. There are certain people who are, to me, so clearly precious to the Lord, it stuns me that they do not know and rest in this.  But then, I too am one of those people.  When I have shared stories of what the Lord has done for me, and the ways in which He has manifested Himself and His Kingdom to me – I imagine I might be seen as someone whom the Lord loves dearly.  In my head, I know that certainly He must.  In my heart though, are layers of unbelief caused by religion, works-righteousness, and having been raised in an atmosphere of worthlessness and fear.  In the current phase of my life, it is a battle  to know and live out of my identity in Christ Jesus, and not how the religious, works-righteous, fearful people around me choose to identify me.  We know that He purifies us as a refiner purifies silver.  I have shared my insight into this and how our purification is viewed in God’s eyes.  It is a beautiful thing to Him, though it can seem painful from our perspective.  

I know that there is a life-long root of rejection in me.  We were not created with the capacity to be rejected.  We are accepted in the Beloved. This is how we are made – as accepted, and not as rejected.  We all face rejection.  I believe it is crucial for each of us to face this with Him, and cooperate to let Him overcome this in us.  “Cheer up!  I have overcome the world.”  It is Christ in me, and in you, which is our hope for glory.  But I digress…

I am determined not to take the next major step in my life without overcoming this disbelief of His love for me.  I have had such fear that I have failed Him, that after all He’s done or me, I have proven to be a waste of His time and attention.  That He might, of sheer mercy and pity, simply retire me and put me out to pasture.  As though He’d gambled on me, and lost.  The idea that I have been a failure, that He doesn’t “believe in me” anymore, has been depressing and excruciating.  And it has been a lie.  

When I started remembering that what I have been thinking and feeling is a lie, I have sought to overcome this lie with the truth. The truth is whatever God says about me. I need to know the truth. not just cognitively, but experientially.  It has taken reaching the end of me all over again, to be able to begin to receive the truth. We know that Jesus IS the Truth, and that God’s perspective is what is real and trustworthy and accurate, not our own.  And so I have been seeking to know His love for me, because I will die without knowing it.  We all will die inside, and even physically if we do not have experience of His love for us.  It is what makes life worth living.

Last night I had a dream.  It was precious, and a great treasure to me.  In this dream, I saw myself and related to myself from the perspective of God.  It was only a slight glimpse of His perspective, but it was precious.  In this dream “Deborah” was at first an infant, and “I” held her and loved her and adored her as any loving mother does her child.  I kissed her eyelids, and traced her ears with my fingers, and blew softly on her face, and had all the love that mothers have for their newborns, and nothing but love for her.  She responded somewhat to my attention and touch, as my own newborn once respond to such things.  But then she had a bad dream, and squirmed and cried and no longer responded to my loving presence and touch. Her squirming and crying was done in my arms, with my constant comfort and soothing, loving, gentle words and care of her.  Mothers do not put down their children and avoid them when they are hurt, crying, and afraid.  A moment later, as I still held her, she was a little older. A baby, not an infant.  I held her still with such joy, and such swelling pride in how she had grown.  She was beautiful, and she was mine.  I spoke tenderly and affectionately and lovingly to her, and now she did not only grasp my finger as she had when she was newborn – but she interacted with me a bit more.  Her eyes were focused, and she looked into mine briefly, from time to time, as she was exploring her surroundings with them.  When she looked into my eyes, even briefly, they were moments of completion, and oneness in love with me.  Those are moments that a parent lives for.  Again, she saw something terrifying, or listened to a voice which hated her, and she cried in fear and confusion and pain and squirmed in my arms again.  It took more effort to hold onto her because she had grown. But nothing could possibly cause me to loosen my hold of her.  She was my own child, and nothing at all could ever take her out of my arms.  Least of all a lying, hateful voice that whispered in her little ear.  I soothed her continually, and held her gently but firmly so that she would not wriggle away from my arms.  

A moment later, and she was a toddler. Here she was on my lap, my arms always around her, but tenderly, and with room for her to move.  She was beautiful, and precious, and adorable, and I did adore her.  My love for her and pride in her had only grown since she was a baby.  Now, she could understand some of the words I spoke to her, and respond to them.  I don’t remember in the dream what words I said, but they were only of great love and glory, hope and promise.  And she heard me, and looked in my eyes, and smiled at me because she recognized my voice.  I smiled back at her, and held her gaze, because these were the moments that I lived for. The moments that my baby connected with me and lovingly recognized me and took in my love for her, and gave me her own. She needed these moments of recognition and connection with me, and always would, because she needed me.  She needed these moments of connection and recognition and oneness with me because the filthy, lying voice of hate and fear would whisper to her again, and she would again writhe in fear and pain and desperation.  And my hold on her would not loosen, nor would my voice be stilled but soothing in a way that she would need my voice and hold to soothe and comfort her.  Because when she was listening to the evil one, my voice would be constantly in her ears, the remembrance of oneness, and unity, and completion now competing for her attention the way the evil voice had competed for her attention when her gaze was on me.  

That was when I woke up.  And as I am writing this, I am moved by the great, constant, unending, unconditional hold that my Papa has on me.  That His voice is constant, and soothing, and loving, and filled with promise and hope.  I am beginning to see that no matter how I squirm, and fight His hold on me, it is only because of the filthy, lying voice of the evil one which has lulled me away from enjoying the connection and oneness I share with my Papa.  There is nothing in this world or the next which would cause my Father to let go of me, or to silence His voice.  And the times in the last 3 years in which I have literally felt His touch, or literally heard His voice – these have not been a gamble on His part. He has not stayed constantly with me and blessed me by awareness of His presence only to give up in disappointment of me. He has done what’s necessary to overcome the voice of religion,  works-righteousness, unbelief, worthlessness and fear which has competed for my attention. He can never be disappointed in me – He is my Father and He loves me as a mother loves her child.  And He will always hold onto me and speak to me in whatever ways He must to counter the ways the evil one also speaks to me.  And since I have looked in His eyes and responded to His voice, even if only as an infant - there is nothing that can stop me from knowing His voice, and nothing that can soothe or comfort me as He does. There is nothing which can stop me from seeking His face, and His voice, and seeking those moments of completion and unity with Him, when we look into each others’ eyes or His words are spoken into my heart.

So.  That was my dream, and I am blessed that He has helped me to understand even a tiny bit, that He loves me, always, no matter what, and that no amount of my squirming in fear and pain can possibly cause Him to loosen His loving, constant hold of me. And that He will never, ever give up on me.

I hope this blesses you as it blesses me.  Your Papa loves you with an intense, devoted, tender, passionate, constant love, and he accepts you completely, just exactly as you are right now.  There is no question as to the Truth of this.  How wonderful, if you and I can grow up a little more on His lap and in His arms, so that we can respond to and enjoy even more intensely and more often, His beautiful voice and those precious times when we see Him face-to-face. Oh, how He loves us.  

Thank you for listening to my dream.  Have a most excellent day.

God Keeps Promises

There is a difference between miracles, and blessing. It is far greater to walk in our blessing than to go from crisis to miracle, crisis to miracle. 

I am grateful for both, because it takes a lot of undoing of faulty thought patterns and belief systems to walk in blessing. And when I'm not walking in blessing, I can depend on God to work miracles. 

I'd like to share something with you. I know that many of you can relate, and I have found this very encouraging today.

I know that God has given me a specific promise, for a specific blessing. It has been quite a fight, to hold onto my faith in His Word to me both as a recipient of the promises in His written Word, and as a recipient of personal promises that God has made to me.  We all have every spiritual blessings and all the blessing of Abraham- which is everything else. We only need learn how to receive this blessing. God is no preferrer of persons. He has blessed us all. 

Some of us know that He has lead us in paths specific to a specific blessing. It is a walk of faith. And the enemy will use even those nearest and dearest to us to try and knock us off of our path. He wants to rob us of what a God has given us, and he uses people to do his work just as God uses people to do His work. 

I have been shown something specific that God has given as a blessing to me, to His people, and to the world. Well-meaning loved ones, and even spiteful loved ones, have done probably everything they can think of to make me "see the light" and throw away my blessing before it manifests. I love the people I love- because they are lovable. And I hope that if they knew what they were doing by trying to dissuade me, they would not do it. It is hurtful when people who should be thanking God with me, instead try and crush my hope. There are people near and dear to me who have clearly heard God's voice and personal guidance, yet apparently, they do not believe that God  has spoken personally to me. That is painful, and discouraging. It is a bloody battle, the battle of Faith. "The violent take it by force" indeed. 

This is what I want to tell you today, and it isn't me being Little Mary Sunshine, or being in denial and not willing to "see the light" It was The Light who opened my eyes to this blessing. I am not the one walking in darkness about it.

I did not write this- it was written by my favorite teacher, Andrew Wommack. And one of the results of this blessing is that I will have the ability and opportunity to move to where he teaches and be properly trained as a Disciple of Christ. A greater gift, I cannot imagine.

To those of you who are also in a violent, bloody battle of Faith, and know that God has guided you toward a specific promise or blessing- take heart. This is going to encourage you:

"...unlike miracles, once a blessing is received, no outside force can stop it:

“Behold, I have received commandment to bless: and he hath blessed; and I cannot reverse it” (Num. 23:20).

The only thing that can stop the blessing of God in our lives is our unbelief. What a powerful truth. Balaam’s curse couldn’t stop the blessing that was on the nation of Israel. The blessing received in faith will always trump the curse.

So, what is the blessing of God, and how do we receive it? To begin with, the blessing of God isn’t things. The blessing of God will produce things, but the blessing isn’t things.

Galatians 3:14 says, “That the blessing of Abraham might come on the Gentiles through Jesus Christ; that we might receive the promise of the Spirit through faith.”

Abraham’s blessing has come upon us through faith in Christ, and the blessing isn’t the things that Abraham possessed. Would you want Abraham’s animals that have been dead for four thousand years? Do you want his tents and clothes? I don’t think so. What you want is the favor of God that was spoken over him, which produced his physical and spiritual abundance.

That’s what the blessing of God is; it’s His divine spoken favor. And that blessing, if mixed with faith, will produce abundance in spirit, soul, and body.

There is much more to the contrast of blessings and miracles than what I have been able to present here. I consider this to be one of the most foundational and beneficial truths the Lord has ever taught me. If you can make the adjustment from a miracle mentality to a blessed mentality, you will begin to prosper as never before.

The good news is, you are already blessed. The bad news is, most don’t know the power of that blessing. They would rather have a miracle.

If you receive this teaching in your heart, you will come to a place where you will pray, “Lord, help me to never need a miracle from You again. I want to live in the blessing.” When it comes to personal needs, miracles should be for people who don’t have the revelation of God’s blessing. Don’t let that be you.

- So. What God has spoken, He will bring to pass. If He has spoken a promise to you, He will fulfill it. Do not give up, do not give in, and do not surrender.  God will order your steps, if you will follow Him. Where there will be a great blessing, there will be a great battle. The gifts, and callings of God are without repentance. Meaning, He does not change His mind, or take back a gift, or calling. If God has made a promise to you- fight for it. Fight doubt, fear, discouragement and unbelief. Make war and resist the devil by engaging in acts of Warfare. The weapons of our Warfare are:  love, joy, peace, longsuffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control.

God has placed people in your life as fellow Warriors, and they will help you up when the enemy has knocked you down. So get up, put on your Armor, and know that what God has promised WILL COME TO PASS.

It is FINISHED!

During an emotional crisis which once would have knocked me out of faith, I turned to the Lord for comfort instead of giving into fear. I kept believing His promises and His Word despite what I was seeing in the natural, and learned that He Himself is comfort, and peace.  It is something of what His presence brings to the table when he is seated at the head of it. Comfort is not so much something that Holy Spirit gives to us or does for us; rather it is a result of His presence. When we are baptized into Holy Spirit, we have all of Who He is living on the inside of us.  It promises to be an earth shaking realization, the more the truth inside of His Word is revealed to us.  Thank you for letting me be part of this, Father. Thank you for this amazing, incredible plan you’ve had for everything, since before you even made us.  You are awesome.

In the night, I’d been looping the go-to song I put on when otherwise I’d be sucking my thumb. (“In Christ Alone”)  I have listened to this song at least 1500 times, and that is no exaggeration. And every time I hear it, it is fresh and inspiring.  I could sing 300 Beatles songs word-for-word in my sleep, but when I sing this song to myself I can’t even remember all the words.  It’s weird.  Anyway, my ears picked up one phrase in the middle of the night “Till on that cross, as Jesus died, the wrath of God was satisfied, and every sin on Him was lain. Here in the death of Christ, I live."

The Lord showed me something in a way I hadn’t seen or understood before.  He showed me that on Him and through Him, all of the righteous justice on which God’s Throne is founded was poured out.  That is an understatement.  I saw, though it is too incomprehensible to fathom, all evil – all thoughts, words, actions; all death, destruction, and failure; all hatred, bitterness, lack, loneliness, poverty, sickness, disease, injustice, injury, betrayal, abandonment; all cruelty and wickedness; everything wrong that has ever existed since Eve paid attention to a talking snake – all of it.  Everything not pure, holy and perfect poured completely through Him – Him being Jesus Christ.  (Being from the South, I have to add about Eve “bless her heart”)  Jesus actually took into and onto Himself every single thing that has ever occurred since Lucifer invented pride.  And what happened next, after the entire black torrent rushed through Him, God, His Father and our Father, exacted His perfect wrath, punishment, and justice.  The entire Throne of God, and all righteous consequence of evil, landed completely, with all of its force and holiness, on Jesus.

I dare say that even those of us who have given our lives to the pursuit of knowing Him have not yet scratched the surface of how huge, awesome, and mighty Jesus actually is.  He literally took all sin, and every consequence of evil, for every single human being that has ever lived or will ever live. He took all unrighteousness and everything imperfect onto Himself, and not only that – He took all punishment each of us would have to receive in light of a Perfect God, onto Himself. Every single human being, there is no exception. Sin, in every conceivable form, has been dealt with. It was dealt with in one moment in time, and by One single Person.  That person was both God, and human – uniquely existing. There is none like Him. Again, an understatement.  And why did He do this?  He chose to do it.  It was His choice. He volunteered, willingly, before anything was even created.  He is “the Lamb Who was slain from before the foundation of the world.” He did this because… He loves you.  That is why He did this – because He – Loves – You.  He is personally and acutely aware of every single pain, trauma, heartache,  fear, sadness, grief, and pain that you have, right at this exact moment. Right… now. He is more aware of it than you are, and He knows it more intimately than you do. He took it – He took it – He took it-  for you. For you. For YOU.  He already took your heartbreak. He already took your headache. He has already experienced all of these things for you.  The things that you don’t even realize yet that are in you? He does, because He went through it all for you.  And why did He do this incomprehensible act of Love?  So that you. You. Yes, You. So that You can have abundant life, in all its fullness.  Fullness.  Abundance. Full and abundant life. His life, His own life of fullness and abundance. Jesus Christ came and did all of this so that you can have what is rightfully His.  Because you were intended to be a child of God. And you have the right to be, when you believe on His Name. You were made in the hopes that you would trade your junk for His righteousness and become an heir to God. Yes, an actual heir to all that God is, and has.  I don’t know about you, but I think that’s worthy of our attention.

Does God love you? Yes, I’d have to say definitively that He does love you.  Does He know your need, your hurt, your lack, your pain?  I believe that He knows it more than you do. And what’s more, because you are worth everything to Him, He is yearning for you to trade whatever is yucky and ugly about you with His own righteousness.  He will do this every time you notice something yucky or ugly in you – a thought, a feeling, a desire, an act, a word, a memory… everything. He has done His part, forever.  All that is necessary for you to benefit by what He has done for you is to accept and embrace Him yourself. 

Wearing Righteousness

Prayed a lot last night; just waiting to hear back. I woke up to the number 62, and thought to first look up Isaiah 62. What a good, faithful, merciful God we have. He is good to me, all of the time, no matter what I do or how I even willfully violate His ways. He really does see Jesus' righteousness when looks at those who believe in Him. Amazing.

Isaiah 62

Jerusalem’s Salvation Is Coming

      For Zion’s sake I will not remain silent.
   For Jerusalem’s sake I will not rest,
      until its righteousness shines like the dawn
         and its salvation burns brightly like a torch.
 ²The nations will see your righteousness.
   All kings will see your glory.
   You will be given a new name
      that the Lord will announce.
 ³Then you will be a beautiful crown in the hand of the Lord,
      a royal crown in the hand of your God.
 ⁴You will no longer be called Deserted,
      and your land will no longer be called Destroyed.
   But you will be named My Delight,
      and your land will be named Married.
   The Lord is delighted with you,
      and your land will be married.
 ⁵As a young man marries a woman,
      so your sons will marry you.
   As a bridegroom rejoices over his bride,
      so your God will rejoice over you.   
 ⁶I have posted watchmen on your walls, Jerusalem.
      They will never be silent day or night.
   Whoever calls on the Lord, do not give yourselves any rest,
    ⁷and do not give him any rest until he establishes Jerusalem
         and makes it an object of praise throughout the earth.
 ⁸The Lord has sworn with his right hand and with his mighty arm,
      “I will never again let your enemies eat your grain,
         nor will foreigners drink the new wine which you made.”
          ⁹Those who harvest grain
               will eat it and praise the Lord.
            Those who gather grapes
               will drink wine in my holy courtyards.
  
 ¹⁰Go through! Go through the gates!
   Prepare a way for the people!
   Build up! Build up the highway!
   Clear away the stones!
   Raise a flag for the people!
  
 ¹¹The Lord has announced to the ends of the earth:
      “Tell my people Zion,
         ‘Your Savior is coming.
         His reward is with him,
            and the people he has won arrive ahead of him.’ ”
  
 ¹²They will be called Holy People, Those Reclaimed by the Lord,
      and you will be called Sought After, a City Not Deserted.

Is the Word really alive?

Recently, I have had the pleasure of making the acquaintance of a trained protestant theologian. He is a man who loves God, and has chosen a lifestyle of service to Him. I respect his dedication to the Lord, and I honor his chosen profession. As we've shared our views on God and His Word, I've noticed that there seems to be two different ways of considering the Bible - even among believers. I used to be someone who considered a great deal of the written Word to be historical, and not relevant to today's world. Of course I would never have admitted this, even to myself - but nevertheless...

Here's an example of my double-mindedness. It's very easy for someone like me who grew up in a pew to deduce that the Holy Spirit has largely fled the planet, being that evidence of Him has been limited for the last several hundred years. When Jesus was here, He did 3 things in His ministry - He healed the sick, delivered those in bondage, and taught about the Kingdom of God. The disciples did these things with Him present - and then when He went to be with the Father and sent us His Holy Spirit at Pentecost, the disciples and apostles continued to operate in Jesus power and authority by His Holy Spirit. Eventually, these miracles/signs/wonders stopped, at least on the scale they'd been occurring. But.. is this because God changed His course, or because we did?

I used to credit God with having withdrawn His Holy Spirit and the power that the Holy Spirit has to heal, deliver, and work miracles. I guess like many others, I needed an excuse to justify why we weren't doing them. But He didn't change His purpose with us -- we did. We got into religion, and building churches, and dickering over doctrinal disputes, and we forgot what the early Church knew and lived by. I don't credit this to God anymore, because it's not his doing. It was ours.

Many of us are ferocious when it comes to defending the present-day relevancy of our US Constitution. We call it a 'Living Document" and stand fiercely on our rights to bear arms, for instance. We are sold-out to the belief that what was true then is true now, and anybody who wants to lessen the importance of this is unpatriotic, a liberal, and we can see that if we stop viewing the Constitution as a relevant, 'living' document - it loses all of it's power and authority. We do not allow for a "Yeah, but..." attitude with the US Constitution. Why do we allow it with the only truly Living document - the Word of God? Brothers and sisters - where is our loyalty?

We have listened to theologians tell us that things like signs and wonders are not relevant or intended for us today. Since we do not operate in the power of the Holy Spirit, we conclude that this has been God's design, His will, or His doing. But this is not the truth. Jesus said that miracles, signs and wonders will follow those who believe. ("Yeah, but...") Jesus was the One who told us what to do and what to expect - look at Mark 16:17-18 for example. Surely, "The Church" has not been operating as Jesus told us to, as He showed us to, and as He has always intended for us to. He is not angry with us - but we must not deny that it is our lack and failing, and not His, that we are not operating the way He demonstrated to us, and the way we should have all along. I repeat - He is not angry with us. But how can we continue to deny the present-day relevancy of the Living Word, especially when we get so livid about a simple Earthly government document being called into question? We get more upset about guns being taken out of our hands than having been denied the real power of the Holy Spirit for the last several hundred years. It is not God who has denied us. It is "the Church", and the doctrine of man. I do not mean to incite anyone - but how can we who claim to believe the Bible is the inspired, Living Word of God honestly stand on a doctrine that indicates that it has changed, or is historical, or irrelavant? Jesus is the Word made flesh. He hasn't changed. Has He?

Are we more concerned with being true-blue US citizens, loyal to the government of the United States, as outlined in the US Constitution than with our loyalty to the Kingdom of God, as outlined in the Bible?

Just my thoughts for the morning.

Breadcrumbs

Okay, there's something else about bread if you don't mind me sharing this with you. It's about prayer too. And what the Lord meant when He said "keep on asking, keep on seeking, keep on knocking". Do you know what He DIDN'T mean? He didn't mean that we pound away on the door, begging, demanding, pleading for the same thing. Even if it's a promise He gives to us, like "Delight yourself in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart". It's good to step into faith with Him and pray that scripture. He will keep His word. But then... He will lead you on a trail of breadcrumbs to get you to that place.His Word is the bread! Which is cool, because Jesus is the bread of life. The "ask, seek, knock" will come when you dive into Him, spend time with Him, open yourself up to Him and His Word. Get the Word into you, and He will connect so many dots, lead you on such a beautiful trail to come deeper into His presence in order that -viola, the desires of your heart!

Often, the Lord has something to teach us or grow in us or clean out of us in order to make us ready to receive the desires of our hearts. And He loves to give us our desires! He loves us, and when He can do something marvelous for a person, in a person - He gets glory! It shows others how much better His ways are than our ways...

So when you pray,keep on praying. Keep on seeking, keep on asking. But don't beat pound on the same door - because He already opened it for you. And it took you to another door, deeper inside His House. So knock on that one. And keep on doing it. Just spend time with Him, keep the Word inside of you so that He can apply it to what He's showing you. And keep going! The desires of our heart are at the end of this trail of breadcrumbs, and it's a great journey into Him.

Baking Bread

Early this morning as I woke up and picked up my conversation with the Father where I'd left off, I had an image of Him making bread. As I was reflecting on it, He impressed me with a truth He wanted me to understand. The truth being that the reason we are made is NOT to muddle through this world and try for dear life just to hang on so we can die and maybe get to heaven one day. No. The reason we are made is so that God may have relationship with us... I got this picture of bread rising. I'm not much of a baker , as you may have discovered if you’ve come to my house and been offered dessert. But I do remember my mom making bread sometimes. After she measured the right amount of yeast with the right temperature of water, she added it to the dough, covered it with a cloth and let it rise for an hour or so. For me, it was already too long to wait! Finally, the dough rose. Yay! But then instead of putting it in the pan and into the oven, she'd take this perfectly smooth, puffy, beautiful mound of dough and punch it down so hard with her fist with one big "pow!" that it would shrink back to almost nothing again, cover it again with that cloth, and just wait. I always detested that part. I mean, we waited for an hour and a half of rising, and for what? All she did was punch it right back down. Every time, I tried to get her to skip that part. I don't know why bread has to rise that way, but I suppose that if it didn't get to go through all those stages of development, that when it was finally baked and pulled out of the oven and a corner torn off and popped into my mouth - it wouldn't have been so succulent and delicious. It would probably have been chewy, and tough, and hard as a rock.


But if the Lord is our Baker, I do not want him to pull a tough, chewy, hard as a rock Deborah out of the oven when the timer goes off! So, I guess all that rising, and waiting, and even the punching-down part is necessary. And since I know He doesn't put the timer on and leave the kitchen while I'm rising, but He loves me, and encourages me, and keeps me in just the right temperature and environment necessary for me to rise well - I guess I can wait it out.


I believe this is also what it’s like to have patience. Patience is evidence of the Holy Spirit in us, but in practice, it is derived from faith. When we stay in faith, and do not give up over a stretch of time and circumstances – we have demonstrated patience. No matter the pounding, the kneeding, or the heat – when we keep believing Him and His Word, eventually the broken pieces of ourselves that we give to Him come out of the oven. And with this beautiful, hand-crafted creation, He can feed others.